I saw one of my 14-year-old son’s female friends post something on Facebook that I feel is very dangerous and makes her easy prey for Internet predators. I vaguely know this girl and her mother from around town. Where are the boundaries of ‘lashon hara’ here? Can I say something to the mother?

I saw one of my 14-year-old son’s female friends post something on Facebook that I feel is very dangerous and makes her easy prey for Internet predators. I vaguely know this girl and her mother from around town. Where are the boundaries of ‘lashon hara’ here? Can I say something to the mother?

 

I believe the situation you describe falls more under the category of pikuach nefesh – saving a life, rather than lashon hara. Lashon hara is gossiping, slandering, spreading nasty rumors about someone. (see “Leshon Ha-ra” in The Encyclopedia of the Jewish Religion, revised edition (1986), edited by R.J. Zwi Werblowsky and Geoffrey Wigoder, published by Adama Books. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/practices/Ethics/Talk_and_Gossip/Types_of_Speech/Gossip_Rumors_and_Lashon_Hara.shtml) You aren’t doing that. You are reporting an activity you witnessed yourself, not with the intent of harming the person you are talking about, but with the intent of saving her from harm. Furthermore, the need to save someone from harm is that much more imperative when the person in question is a minor. When I counsel with minors, I always tell them from the outset that anything they say to me in a counseling situation is confidential, EXCEPT in a case where I find they are being harmed or are intending to harm themselves. In that case, as a mandated reporter, I have to report to the proper authorities that a child is in danger. Your case is even easier. You were not in a position of a confidential advisor such as a therapist, pastoral counselor, or medical caregiver. There is no presumption of confidentiality. In addition, the activity itself was in no way confidential, it was put on her Facebook page for anyone to read. I see no impediment to your letting the girl’s mother know what you saw. Indeed, I think it is your responsibility to do so, in order to protect the child. 

 

You may want to talk to the girl first and let her know your concerns and advise her to take down the questionable material herself. Then, if she does not do so, you should tell her mother, letting the girl know that you are doing so. She might be annoyed, as might your son, but weigh that against the possibility of someone being harmed when you might have prevented it, and I believe your course is clear.