What does Judaism say that you should do when your partner is a closet drinker?

1. The Jewish attitude to drunkenness

 

2. The obligation to aid another person

 

3. the appropriate strategies for intervention

 

 

 

1. Maimonides, Nezirut 1:12 , sees the drunkenness state as being out of rational control and a default of one’s humanity. See also Erubin 65a.

 

2. Jews are morally bound to help others and not stand idly by when others are in need. Leviticus 19:16 and Sanhedrin 73a. The Talmudic precedent refers to saving a drowning person; therefore we are even required to undergo risk in order to perform effective intervention.

 

3. It would be proper to get professional help so that intervention is successful. Therefore, medical and social work settings must be sought.

 

Rabbi Alan J. Yuter

 

If the drinking poses a health risk, the Biblical requirement to “guard, in the extreme, your self” has been understood to entail a positive commandment to take care of one’s health as well as a prohibition of needlessly endangering one’s health. And, since we Jews are responsible for each other, if we know that someone over whom we exert influence is violating a commandment, we must “certainly admonish your friend.” It might even rise to the level of immediacy where the prohibition of “standing idly by the blood of your brother” is triggered, so that one would be obligated to protect another’s life that is in immediate danger.

 

Drinking is only healthy in moderation (each of us is on a different scale regarding that definition). Being a drunkard (an addict) is frowned upon by Jewish tradition, certainly, and it would be a great chesed (act of kindness) to help someone overcome such a destructive addiction (destructive of self or even of others who might be victims of drunken rage or killed in drunken driving episodes, for instance), if not a necessity under Jewish law. The specifics depend on the circumstances, but we cannot avoid our responsibilities towards our fellow Jews, other human beings and even property that might be destroyed. We act on God’s behalf in doing the necessary work of helping to heal others who are overcome by their addictions.