I am 79 yrs old an recently remarried. My eldest child, age 47 is not excepting and even shunning my wife. Should I leave him out of my will and trust according to Jewish Law?
I'm very sorry to hear about this very difficult situation.
I do not think it is wise for me to advise on the particulars of your case from a distance. Every person is unique. Every family is unique. Every family dynamic is unique. And there are certainly many dynamics and perspectives that I do not know here.
But, in general, it is only in very extreme cases that one's child should be cut out of an inheritance. You can learn more if you look at the Mishnah in Bava Batra (chapter eight, mishnah 5) where we see the rabbis view that everyone should receive the same amount. One has an obligation to take care of one's spouse & an obligation to take care of one's children. And, barring the most extreme circumstances, it's best not to steer away from any of those familial commitments.
I hope you can receive more personal advice in person from rabbis and counselors who know your family and all the dynamics.
I'm so sorry to hear about the strife in your family. It is certainly hard when there is tension between one's child and one's spouse; naturally you want to show love to both of them and inescapably find yourself caught in the middle.
While Jewish law permits you to make whatever pre-arrangements you wish for the disposition of your assets, I would urge you to carefully consider before leaving a legacy of hurt between you and your child, which can never be undone. If all parties are remotely willing, I urge you to seek counseling together to see if there are ways to bridge the divide before it is too late.
One of my favorite sections of the Talmud is Perek HaShalom, the "Chapter on Peace" in which it is written: "See how great is peace [within a family], for its sake even God's name can be erased." (Perek HaShalom 1:9). Our Tradition maintains that we are obligated to go to the further possible lengths to maintain familial harmony. I hope that before you revise your will, as is your right, you will consider whether you have truly expended all efforts to keep your family intact.
I am sorry you are experiencing this - it is clearly painful to you.
I hope that it will resolve in a way that will be best for all concerned.
Although there is no absolute prohibition in Judaism on disinheriting a child, it is a dire response, and should be avoided in all but the most egregious circumstances. I cannot advise you about what to do. I hope you will find a way to speak with your child and find out why they are responding as they have. Perhaps they are in pain about the loss of their mother; perhaps they are concerned that you are endangered in some way by this marriage; perhaps they have another reason altogether. Until you know what they are thinking, and why they are reacting as they do, it is difficult to know how to respond.
I hope for a positive outcome - splits within a family are tragic in most instances. I would hope this one is not necessary.
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