Question: In my girlfriend's parents' Orthodox community, it's fairly common for people to refuse to eat at other families' houses. Sometimes it's for kashrut [keeping kosher, observing the dietary laws] concerns (disagreements over acceptable heckshers) [hecksher=notation indicating supervision for Kashrut by a known group or organization], but the majority of the time it's for seemingly unrelated issues (e.g., the wife not covering her hair or wearing pants) that somehow also reflects on that family's kashrut observance for these people. I find that kind of divisiveness disturbing -- wasn't it "because of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza Jerusalem was destroyed"? [Administrators note: this refers to a story about sinat chinam - baseless hatred and shaming another.]
Which is the more important Jewish value -- unity among Jews [klal yisra'el] or strictly maintaining your religious standards?
Can they be reconciled?
Sigmund Freud once wrote about the narcissism of small differences. People who align closely on many issues often exaggerate the importance of smaller ones on which they divide. This phenomenon appears often in observant communities of every religion, and our Jewish community is no exception. It is divisive, but it is simply a meter of personal preferences and rigors people hold. The only way to reconcile personal religious standards and klal yisrael is to seek out as much commonality as possible. There will be differences, but we should aim not to let them
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Question: Is there a value in continued interfaith dialogue with Christian institutions that organize boycotts of Israeli products and divestment from Israel. This seems to be a blatant act to try to deny Israel the right to defend against threats by terrorist organizations that seek Israel’s destruction.
[Administrator's note: This issue seems to have arisen again in recent news (June 2014) with the vote for divestment from companies doing business in Israel by the Presbyterian Church USA.]
I share your frustration over recent moves to divest from Israel. They betray a serious lack of perspective and naivete.
At the same, I think talking is always a good thing. What is gained by ending dialogue? It forecloses options for at least trying to correct misimpressions and untruths. Dialogue also keeps open the possibilities for progress and allows for relationships to develop that can eventually contribute to important change.
I have good pastor friends whose views have evolved through our conversations, and the more of those we can have, the better for each faith. Sometimes it’s more important to talk with the people you disagree with than those whose support always come freely.
Indeed, the British Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks pointed out that in spite of differing opinions, religious leaders often share a similar language. Reflecting on dialogue with a group of Arab Muslim leaders, Sacks wrote, “We established within minutes a common language, because we take certain things very seriously: we take faith seriously, we take texts seriously. It's a particular language that believers share." Desspite serious difference, it’s not wise tp squander any chance to forge ties that can help create a more peaceful world.
By Evan Moffic, Get Inspired. Make Better Decisions. Live With Fewer Regrets. Get Your Free e-Book from Rabbi Moffic,
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Question: My very good friend is Jewish, I am a Christian. We have been very close friends for most of our lives, and I have attended countless Sabbath dinners at her house. This past Friday, one of her friends who was also at the dinner expressed displeasure at my being there. They stated that it was wrong to observe the Sabbath in the presence of a Christian. I was wondering if that was correct. I have always enjoyed going to these dinners and would like to continue to be invited, but I don't want to put my friend in a situation where they are in conflict with their beliefs. Should I bow out at the next invitation?
I am sorry to hear about this reaction. You are correct to want to avoid putting your friend in an awkward situation. Yet, there is absolutely nothing wroing in observing the Sabbath in the presence of someone who is not Jewish. In fact, hospitality (hachnasat orchim) is a core Jewish value.
To welcome the Sabbath with those of different faiths and expose them to the beauties of Jewish observance is a mitzvah. In fact, the way we behave around our dining room table says a great deal about our ethics and values. Are we open-minded or close-off? Do we welcome those in need or turn them away? If you feel comfortable, I would share this dilemma with your friend who hosts the Sabbath meals and tell him/her how grateful you are and how welcome you feel. If he/she wonders whether it is okay to observe Shabbat with those who are not Jewish, feel free to refer him/her to this response.
All the best, and feel free to ask for any more clarification. Evan Moffic
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