As for what a certain bar or bat mitzvah student should do in a particular congregation, I would encourage you to reach out directly to that congregational rabbi.

 

There is a debate throughout rabbinic literature about the meaning of the phrase “kol b’isha erva”-that a women’s voice is enticing. Specifically referencing sugyot in Brachot and Sanhedrin, one might claim that a women’s voice could create a sexual desire, but even without the sugyot themselves, and certainly the commentary that follow, there is a debate as to the context of this voice (just with the shma, in the context of either leading or answering in song, or even just speaking). There is also debate, throughout the ages as to the number of women singing, the reason that they are singing, the clothes that they are wearing, and the conversations go on and on.

 

This continuum is what you speak of, as you reference operas and other concerts but it is important to note that even in the most “sacred” of spaces, a prayer community, the notion of kol isha (a women’s voice) as a prohibition in public doesn’t exist in the Conservative movement. Women are full members of both the Rabbinical and Cantorial Assemblies, as well as prayer leaders in many synagogues.

 

I would suggest that that since there is no prohibition within the Conservative movement to hear a woman’s voice in prayer, certainly there is no prohibition to hear a woman’s voice in a secular venue.

I certainly appreciate your question but I would like to answer it with two components-the technical and the spiritual. Yes, from a halachik sense, you should seize the day and rid your home of all chametz because in the Torah, Exodus 12:15-20 we are forbidden from eating chametz (leaven) during the festival. As Rabbi Isaac Klein explains in A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice, this refers initially to food prepared from 5 species of grain  (wheat, barley, oats, spelt, and rye that has been allowed to leaven) and the Ashkenazic Rabbis added rice, millet, corn, and legumes. This rule against leaven applies not only to consumption but to enjoying benefit and possession. Therefore, we have the process of bedikat chametz (the search for leaven) bitul chametz (the nullification of the leaven) and biyur chametz (the burning of the leaven). Additionally, the Rabbis have instituted legal mechanism that would not require you to waste all of your food by giving permission for them to sell it on your behalf. This is called Mechirat Chametz (the selling of the leaven). I suggest calling a local rabbi before Passover to do this. If you would like specific guidance in to how to prepare your home for Passover you can check out the Pesah guide on the following link: http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/

But additionally important, is to make sure that the holiday doesn’t become so focused on the details as you describe above where you feel like a slave rather than celebrating freedom! So, can you find ways to make the preparation meaningful and fun? If you have children in the home, can the search for chametz feel like a scavenger hunt? Part of preparing for Passover and celebrating Passover is about the ability to create meaningful Jewish memories. Looking at the specific rituals that way, might make things more fun. But of course, Passover shouldn’t only be for kids and I believe that you can look at the idea of cleaning our homes, beyond just getting rid of bread and cookies, as ways of getting rid of the spiritual chametz in our lives. This is important because we are half way through the Jewish year (if we think in terms of Rosh Hashanah) so it is a good time to spiritual check in about what we need and what we think we need. Additionally, in preparing for Pesach, it is important that we find ways to reflect on the important questions that arise from the celebration of Passover, such as the meaning of freedom, allowing all who are hungry to come and eat, and welcoming the stranger because we were once strangers. 

Preparing for Passover can help elevate us to enjoy and contemplate these important questions. But if we only prepare without taking time to think, then we might have fulfilled the mandate for the madness, but we didn’t fulfill the ultimate commandment which is to feel as if we too came out of Egypt. May you have a chag kasher v'sameach-a happy and a kosher Passover.

Your question is a great one because you are thinking diligently not only about your commitment to your government but your commitment to religious obligations (and consequently helping others) as well. As my Reform colleague on this site, Rabbi Mark Washofsky stated, according to Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, you don’t have the obligation to tithe based on your tax return, since you fulfilled your obligation of giving 10% already. That being said, you might ask yourself-did I give 10% based on my gross or net income? If you “only” gave it based on the net income (after taxes were withheld), and still received a refund, you could make the decision that you should have given it based on the gross income and therefore give a bit more now that you have the funds. But that is for you to decide.

Let me begin by saying how sorry I am to hear what you are going through. Preparing to lose someone you love is never easy, no matter how much notice you have, so my heart goes out to you.

 

As you think about the funeral service itself, you are right to be thinking about the eulogy. Giving a eulogy is a mitzvah, although it is not a mitzvah that is obligated on the mourner itself. Rather, because it is to honor the deceased, anyone can do it. Typically at a funeral service the Rabbi will try to integrate the stories, memories, and values that he or she gleaned from the mourners before the funeral itself. In the Rabbi’s eulogy he or she will be able to express many of your thoughts which will pay tribute to your father. If you chose to speak as well that would certainly be fine, but given your expressed anxiety about speaking in front of a gathering, you are not obligated to do it at all. You can choose to just say something brief, as you expressed in your question, or you can choose not to speak at all. People will understand that you are in mourning and you did not feel that you could compose yourself to speak. I would imagine, based on your question and your concern that you do want to honor your father, is that you will provide enough information to the Rabbi that he or she will be able to appropriately honor your father and convey your love for him as well.

 

If you still feel conflicted however, you could take it upon yourself at shiva, when it is less of a public speaking moment, to share some thoughts and reflections on your dad.

 

Finally, might I suggest, if you don’t already have a Rabbi that you can turn to, to speak about these issues in preparation for the funeral, that you seek out a rabbi with whom you are comfortable so that you have someone who can be with you as you work through this time of grief.

We know that one of the “top 10” commandments is to honor your father and mother. Written in Exodus this commandment teaches us the importance of doing positive things for our parents, especially when we are adults, such as providing food and clothing for them, if necessary. Additionally, in Leviticus we are taught to revere our mother and father, which implies that we should avoid negative acts, like sitting in their place or contradicting their words. Both of these however, especially the second example of contradicting one’s words, is an act that can be on a continuum. If parents and adult children have a healthy relationship where they can dialogue than one can agree to disagree. Additionally, there are pieces of tradition which demonstrate that there are obligations that the parents have as well which might have an impact on your question. For example, Maimonides teaches that it is forbidden for a man to impose too heavy a yoke upon his children by being overly insistent on his due honor and Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel teaches that in so many cases, it is the parent who makes it impossible for the young to obey the 5th commandment.

 

Then, if we look back at our tradition, it is clear from the beginning that there is a transition in a person’s relationship “status” when they get married. We read Genesis 2:24 “Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.” This shows that our tradition understands that new obligations and a new center of gravity are formed and are apparent once a person gets married, and it is exemplified in the Talmudic dictum “Love your wife as yourself.” (Yevamot 52b). However, this new relationship doesn’t exempt you from honoring and revering your parents because the assumption is made that there are living parents when needing to revere them.

 

 

Thankfully, it is generally easy to uphold both sides of this tradition, except of course when there is a direct conflict between the parties. It is at that point that you need to not worry about taking sides but worry about how you view the situation so that you can have a reasoned approach and answer to the conflict. You need to be able to be honest with yourself, with your spouse, and your parents about why you feel a certain way. That way, regardless of who you agree (or disagree with) you can do so in a way that shows it is not about the side but about the content area itself. If you can reasonably explain in a way that is respectful, open, and shows that you care about the person with whom you now might have conflict, ideally, you will be able to resolve the issue.

 

 

 

 

 

Let me being with your first question, what is the community’s responsibility towards its members? We read in Deuteronomy 15:8 “If there is a needy person among you, one of your kinsmen in any of your set­tlements in the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not harden your heart and shut your hand against your needy kinsman. Rather, you must open your hand and lend him sufficient for whatever he is lacking.” There are a variety of ways of giving, and Maimonides spells out 8 levels in the mishneh torah Mishneh Torah, Gifts to the Poor, 10:7-14. The levels decrease with 8 being the “worst” way to give and level one, being the greatest. He writes, Level One: The greatest level, above which there is no other, is to strengthen the name of another Jew by giving him a present or loan, or making a partnership with him, or finding him a job in order to strengthen his hand until he needs no longer [beg from] people. For it is said, "You shall strengthen the stranger and the dweller in your midst and live with him," (Leviticus 25:35) that is to say, strengthen him until he needs no longer fall [upon the mercy of the community] or be in need.

 

Your second question is with regard to the hierarchy of how to decide where to give, when there are limited resources. Rabbi Moshe Isserles in the his Code of Jewish Law, the Shulhan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 251:3, writes, “A person’s own livelihood comes before anyone else and he has no duty to give (charity) until he has his own income. Next come his parents if they are poor, next his grown children, next his siblings, and next his extended family, next his neighbors, next the people of his town, and next the people of other towns. As well, the true residents of the town are the “poor of the city” and they precede those poor who come to the city from another place.” You can see here that there is nothing wrong with putting your neighbor’s needs before other needs. That being said, if it is possible to both assist them and help with the “communal kuppah”-for example an annual campaign through your local Federation, that would be great.

 

Finally, it is certainly appropriate to use the above principals regardless of the religious faith of your neighbors. Maimonides writes in the Mishneh Torah, Gifts to the Poor, 7:7 that “We support the poor of the gentiles along with the poor of Israel for the sake of “the ways of peace.”

 

As you approach this answer, you should feel confident that it is appropriate to help them and I imagine, by your question, that you will do it with the sensitivity required. Good luck.

 

As I researched the tradition it seems clear that there is no one halakha for how much one can make, although there are certainly parts of our tradition that implore us to make sure that those who work for us (not making a distinction between for-profit for not-for-profit) make enough money. Additionally, the power of this question might be felt differently at different times in the life of an organization, especially as it relates to the economic culture. So although there aren’t specific texts about laws and non profits, there are texts from tradition that can help us examine how an employer should treat its employee, which help us think about the standards by which an organization might function. There are three texts though that I would like to point to, that help us think about the question.

 

1. In the Torah we read that employers have an obligation to treat their workers fairly, as it says in Leviticus “Do not keep the wages of the worker with you until morning.” Meaning, don’t ask someone who works for you to wait to cash their paycheck. Make sure that you have enough money in the bank to make payroll.
2. Additionally, as Rabbi Jill Jacobs references in her book There Shall Be No Needy, Rabbi Ben Tzion Meir Chail Uziel, a former Sephardic chief rabbi first of Palestine and then of he state of Israel (1880-1953) wrote, “Employers are obligated to behave with love, honor, goodwill, and generosity towards their workers.” One might say then, that the employers of a non profit are the board of directors. If that is the case, then they have the obligation to be generous with those working for this cause and not find ways to withhold salaries or rather be generous, if possible with those salaries.
3. But the difficult question remains: how does one determine salaries.We read in Mishnah Bava Metzia 7:1, “If one hired workmen and asked them to work early or late, he has no right to compel them in any locality where it is not customary to work early or to work late; where it is the custom to furnish them with food he must supply them with food; if it be the custom to provide them with ‘sweetstuff’, he must so provide; everything should be in accord with the local custom.” This is a subjective statement because local customs vary from city to city and cost of living in the city might need to be taken into account. Additionally, it is unclear from the tradition if the state of the economy should make a difference as to the debate over a salary. For example, this statement in the mishnah doesn’t demand that executives take pay cuts during tough times if others are doing it, although one could suggest that one should if others are doing it as it becomes a local custom. However, as Howard Rieger, the former, president and CEO of United Jewish Communities, the national umbrella organization of federation (now known as Jewish Federations of North America) said, “that in a competitive marketplace for management talent, not-for-profits needed to weigh the urge to cut salaries for the sake of appearances against the need to pay enough to retain top-flight employees.” http://www.forward.com/articles/107575/#ixzz1DVdUfrx6 
   As one can see from the article in the forward there was a big debate within the national Jewish community about which custom should prevail.

As we can learn from the above texts is that what seems to be important, in addition to what employees get paid, is the perception of the functioning of the non profit itself and the local or national context in which that non profit operates. By using phrases such as love, honor, and local customs, there is a sense that there needs to be derekh eretz in interactions between people and that there needs to be transparency and honesty in the governance of the non profit in order for there to be trust and faith in the leadership’s decision not only about the salaries but about the allocation of total resources as well.

Although I appreciate your use of gambling as an example, it seems to make more sense to address the category of “shady ethical activity.” I say this because in terms of gambling there is obviously a big difference between trying a nickel slot machine (silly but harmless) on a vacation and betting on a dog fight (which you should not do, kippah or not!). Therefore, it is not gambling as a general category that I want to address, but the secondary implications. Is a shady activity one that is legal or not? How do you behave while doing that activity? What language do you use? How do you treat others? In my opinion, all of these questions, and others like it, play a role in whether or not you should wear a kippah

 

So in answering the question I would like to focus on the role of a kippah. A kippah is worn to remind yourself of God’s presence (an act of piety) and/or to identify yourself to others as a Jew who believes in Jewish values and tradition. With that in mind, I believe you should remove your kippah (and other signs of Jewish identity) if you are doing things that are “shady.” However, this only addresses the second role of the kippah. In the first role, removing the kippah will not remove Gods presence or make you invisible. That of course is between you and God. As for the second issue which relates to your fellow human being, the kippah should be removed because for reasons that can be explained with the introduction of two religious categories.

 

The first is maarit ayin-giving the appearance that something is permitted “Jewishly” even if it is not. As stated above, when you wear a kippah people look at you as a Jew who knows what they are doing, and if you are doing it then, it must be “kosher.” You have a responsibility to not mislead people in this way. The second category is chilul ha’shem literally the desecration of God’s name, implying that you, through your activities, create a bad reputation for the Jewish community because one would say look at the Jews they all do (insert “shady ethical activity here). This is the reason Jews cringe when they see a Jew in the news doing something bad. Therefore, if you can’t help but engage in “shady ethical activity” you should remove the kippah.

 

Finally, your very question shows the power of the kippah and perhaps its third role. Simply wearing creates an entire thought process before you take on any action. These questions are hopefully a buffer between you and shady activities.