Question: When a bad situation arises—for example, drought in Israel—we come together as a nation to pray or fast, hoping that will have some effect on the situation. There’s an assumption that it is our lack of good deeds (or our evil deeds) that is causing this to happen. Yet, conversely, when something good happens to the Jewish people, the rabbis never come out and say, “Wow, we must have done something great! Let’s institute a day of celebration!” Why the contradiction?
I am not sure that I share your view that there is a contradiction here. When bad situations arise, as a community and as individuals, we have an obligation to look at ourselves to see if we are responsible for the situation. If that is the case, we can act to rectify the problems we have identified. This does not seem to be the case in your example.
I have always understood that the communal prayers and fasting, that you reference, apply when we cannot find the cause of our problems, and we need to reach out to God for help. This is in essence because we cannot help ourselves. As in your example, none of us can make it rain, but by joining in communal signs of intense prayerfulness such as fasting, we are signaling to God that we do in fact need help, even when we don’t merit it.
With that in mind, there is no need to make a special celebration just because we have done something good. There is a good example of this notion in Pirkei Avot 2:9, Rabbi Yohanan b. Zakkai taught; “If you have studied much Torah, take no special credit for it since you were created for this very purpose.” We would do well to approach our good deeds as a manifestation of our purpose in this world, rather than celebrating them as if they were fleeting.
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Question: I am on the personnel committee of a small synagogue. We recently heard that our rabbi may have taken financial advantage of someone he met through employment at another synagogue. We feel he has violated his covenant with us by financially obligating our synagogue in a contract that we cannot afford. He refuses to acknowledge his part in this unfortunate situation. Can you point us towards ways that we can confront him that will be within the bounds of Jewish tradition/law? On many levels he is a good man, but this behavior has really upset our committee and the few other congregants who are aware of the situation. We are afraid that this will cause a rift in our congregation if not handled in a just manner.
I am sorry to learn of the challenges facing your congregation. I don’t feel that it is necessarily appropriate for me to advise you in such a sensitive matter. If there are issues of contracts and/or illegal behavior, you are bound not only by Jewish law and ethics, but by the laws of the United States and your local authorities. I would advise you or someone in your leadership to discreetly contact your liaison from the Union for Refrom Judaism (URJ), the congregational arm of your movement.
I would say that whatever the details may be, that you should handle this matter with great discretion and care. The sort of allegations you are making against your rabbi could be damaging to his career, and in the case that you are not correct it will be very difficult to go back from. Additionally, the way you handle the situation can also have negative effects on your congregation. Your instinct is correct that if you don’t handle this in a just manner, you will cause division in your congregation. The best thing to do is to become aware of the policies for mediating these sorts of conflicts from the URJ and to follow those instructions faithfully.
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Question: How important should the Israel factor be when deciding who to vote for during a presidential election? Do American-Jewish voters have an obligation to vote for the most pro-Israel president, even if he conflicts with them on other values?
When we consider the candidates in a presidential election, we need to ask ourselves, is there any perfect candidate? Each one has strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps the candidate you agree with on education is way off on the environment. Israel is one of many issues that you can consider as a voter. Is it the most important issue? Only you can know that.
I don’t think that there is one Jewish answer. If a candidate said everything right about Israel, but was wrong for you on every issue in this country that you live in, would it be the right vote? How far behind is the next candidate on Israel, you know, the candidate that holds up the rest of your most cherished beliefs? I think if we as Americans become single issue voters on the Israel issue alone we are neglecting some of our responsibilities as citizens to look out for the interests of this country.
This is not to suggest that we should not be concerned with our government’s position as it relates to Israel. Rather, we should remember that the kinds of sweeping pro-Israel promises that are made in campaigns do not equal policy. We need to look out for Israel every day not just election day. The reality sets in when the winner needs to actually govern and interact with the real players. The good news is that the candidates seem to fall all over each other to pledge their commitments to Israel. I think that the responsible thing is to try to square these promises against what is realistic and remember that Israel is just one of many ways our candidates will affect our daily lives. We should be attentive to all of them and find the candidate that we believe will, on the balance, meet the most of our needs both at home and abroad.
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Question: Was it wrong for the Israel ministry of absorption to launch a media campaign with the message that Jews living in the U.S. can never live a fully Jewish life? Is this true?
You have asked the question that is at the center of a debate that has swept the Jewish community for the last week or so and before I answer, I need to make a disclaimer. Just as in all my answers on this website, I am a Conservative Rabbi, but I don't claim to answer for all Conservative Rabbis or Jews, just this one.
You ask if it was "wrong for the Israel ministry of absorption to launch a media campaign with the message that Jews living in the U.S. can never live a fully Jewish life?" I have to say that I don't think that this is what the ad campaign was about. I believe it would be more accurate to say that the ads send the message that Israeli's living in the America can never be truly at home. This is because American culture is not the same as Israel's and this fact represents a loss for Israelis living abroad.
Even though I believe this was the intention of the ads, it was clearly a campaign that was not thoughtful about the implications of the examples chosen and the secondary effect of suggesting that somehow American Judaism is not sufficiently Jewish. In that sense, I don't think the ministry was wrong, but rather they were insensitive more than anything else. To my mind this is the unfortunate result of an incredible set of circumstances.
Allow me to explain. The American Jewish communities outcry over these ads demonstrate that we American Jews care deeply about our distinctiveness as Jews in America and don't see ourselves as assimilated into American culture. The strong reaction also suggests that we American Jews care deeply about our relationships with our Israeli counterparts, and feel great pain at the suggestion that we are not somehow all together on issues such as the nature of our Jewish identities. To me both of these observations are promising for the future of both our American Jewish community and the relationships between American and Israeli Jews.
When I am not answering questions for Jewish Values Online, I work as the director of admissions for the Rabbinical and Cantorial Schools at the Jewish Theological Seminary. One of my jobs is to make a compelling case for why I think students should study at our school. When doing this, I am fully committed to never saying a negative word about one of the other schools available to our prospective students. I feel the best case is always made by touting the values of our program and letting our strengths do the talking. I believe firmly that the moment I make a suggestion about another institution all of my words become suspect. I think that Israel's Ministry of Absorption can learn a lot from this lesson. Had they launched a campaign that showed Israeli's all the wonderful things they were missing at home, they could have dodged this controversy, succeeded in making Israelis homesick, and maybe even convinced a few American Jews that Israel is the place for them.
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Question: If a bad practice (sin) has become part of our personality, how can we stand before Hashem to ask for forgiveness knowing that it is probably unrealistic for us to change our ways?
As we approach the Yamim Noraim or Days of Awe, we begin to engage in the difficult process of teshuvah ,literally return, where we attempt to change our ways and seek forgiveness for the New Year. This process is all the more complicated by the fact that we can begin to see our sins as defining who we are. Are we liars? Or people who told one lie? Are we gossips? Or did we share just a tale (or two) that we should not have?
In my opinion, the go-to source for an organized process of teshuvah has always been the Laws of Teshuvah section of the Mishneh Torah by Maimonides. Here, Maimonides catalogues the steps one must take in order to have an effective teshuvah process. While not directly, I think he addresses the question.
In the second chapter of the Laws of Teshuvah Maimonides writes; “What does teshuvah consist of? That the transgressor ceases to do the transgression… and make up his mind to never do it again..also that he regrets doing it…” It seems here in the case of our question that the transgressor does not think that they can refrain from this act, what then?
Maimonides takes a harsh position on this matter, I will present it, but ask that you keep reading to see how we can work with it. Maimonides writes; “One who confesses but does not make up his mind to stop doing that which he confessed, what is it like? Like one who immerses in the ritual bath while holding an unclean reptile—the immersion will do him no good until he releases the reptile.” That is to say, if we want to be forgiven for our sins, we first must let go of them and commit to refraining from them.
This is quite difficult then, if we both, seek forgiveness, and cannot imagine escaping our sinful ways. Apart from Jewish law on this matter, I think that if a person sees their transgressions or sins as fixed parts of their personalities, then it may be time for a more serious intervention. Finding a mental health professional, who can help this person address their challenges, would to my mind be its own form of teshuvah, or at least a vital first step.
This reminds me of when I taught this section of Maimonides to a class of college students. One wise student pointed out, that to him it seemed, there was a great parallel to be made between the steps of teshuvah articulated by Maimonides, and the Twelve Step recovery process used to address addiction. In that sense we are all in a state of recovery from sin, we are sinners always, by virtue of the fact that we are human, but we can do better by looking to God and finding support in our community. Maimonides writes; “ What is complete Teshuvah? This is when one has the opportunity to commit a transgression s/he committed before, but refrains from committing it.” In that sense our teshuvah is never quite complete; we will be tested throughout our lives. However, if we are trying and working on avoiding our temptations, we can still find ourselves forgiven. Even though we don’t know if we will live up to our best hopes for ourselves in the coming year, God on Yom Kippur finds a way to forgive us in advance.
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Question: If I am taking time out of my work schedule to meet with an interviewer for a job, am I obligated to tell my current employer? I don't know how to get away from the office for the interview without lying & going against my Jewish & personal values, but I do not feel comfortable telling my employer that I am seeking employment elsewhere.
I understand the conflict that you are facing. In this uncertain economic environment it is risky to share your thoughts of leaving with your current employer. That being said, I don’t think you need to jeopardize your financial well being by sharing your investigation with your employer. However, you do point out the problem of leaving your office on company time, essentially getting paid while you investigate other employment options. This seems to present some ethical challenges and can even be construed as a form of stealing from your employer.
It seems that there are a few possible solutions. The first, is to let your prospective employer know that you would prefer to meet when you are not expected to be at your current job. Perhaps this will have the positive effect of demonstrating your honesty and work ethic to your prospective employer. Alternatively, if this is not possible or presents too much risk, you could take time off (a personal day?) to go on some interviews. This would allow you to investigate your options without compromising your values.
I wish you well on your job search, it is a stressful time in anyone’s life. I also hope you can make this transition without compromising your values.
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Question: I am uncomfortable to the degree to which the Holocaust is used to justify [the existence of the modern state of] Israel. I feel the linkage between the two is often overplayed. Is there a way to remember the Holocaust and also fully justify the Jewish homeland without necessarily always linking the two?
You raise and interesting and complicated question. The Holocaust and the creation of the State of Israel are the two defining events for the Jewish people of the 20th century (and beyond) and as a result their treatment is one of the most sensitive issues in the Jewish community. One can understand easily the impulse to make the link between the Holocaust and creation of the State of Israel.The Holocaust in the clearest terms made the case for a Jewish homeland that would not restrict the immigration of Jews and would stand to defend Jews everywhere. Additionally, the proximity of the Holocaust to the creation of the State of Israel, points to changing global sentiments and sympathies after the Holocaust to the need for a Jewish state. We can see this in the way that each foreign dignitary who visits Israel is brought to Yad Vashem as the first stop on their tour. I think these arguments are powerful and hold great meaning for many Jews and that these arguments have their merit.
I also think that, there are ways to make a meaningful justification of the State of Israel without, to use your words, “overplaying” the Holocaust. Zionists worldwide were hard at work to create a Jewish homeland in Israel well before WWII and the subsequent creation of the State of Israel and the last 63 years are about a lot more than reaction to the Holocaust. I think it is hard to separate the Holocaust from the story entirely, but you can certainly balance it with other components of Israel’s narrative.
As for remembering the Holocaust without connecting it to the creation of the State of Israel, you could do so. However, it seems to me to be a sad omission from the story of the Jewish people. The Holocaust is one of the darkest moments of our history and while nothing can mitigate the tragedy of those events, the creation of the State of Israel, is one of the ways that we have found meaning and purpose as a people since that time.
I think what is most important to keep in mind is that you phrased this question in terms of your own comfort. That means that while you can make decisions about the ways you discuss both Israel and the Holocaust, I hope you will respect the expressions of others who see things differently. There is a great deal to be gained from listening to those who see things differently than you.
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Question: What are the Jewish rulings on cybersex (defined as two people exchanging sexual messages over the internet, often in chatrooms) and pornography, for men and for women?
The internet has had an incredible effect on nearly all segments of our society. We can communicate and share information in ways unimaginable just a generation ago. As soon as I post this answer, it will go up on Facebook, Twitter and the JVO website. While these advances are a cause for celebration, they also introduce complicated new questions of ethics that lead to queries like yours. I am increasingly concerned about the false feeling of interaction created online. Just like 3 hrs of playing basketball video games can’t compare with being outside on the court. Hours of online interaction with “friends” can’t compare with being in their presence. Add to that the sexual element of the internet and we get to cybersex. Your question is complicated in that different scenarios raise different issues. I would like to explore a few of them.
We need to ask is who is having the cybersex? If we are speaking of a single person, who is looking for sexual interactions there are a number of issues that come into play. The Jewish values that come most immediately to mind are Tsniut or modesty and then treating others in a way that reflects that they were created b’tzelem elohim or in God’s image. The explicit nature of sex with a stranger online suggests questionable modesty, in that we are revealing the private in a public forum. I say public because as we have seen again and again one cannot assume any privacy online. We cannot assume people are who they say they are, that they are alone, or that your interactions are not being recorded for future broadcast (this is scary even without the Jewish questions). As for treating others like they were made in God’s image, it would seem to me that using someone anonymous online for your own gratification is the diminishing of that image.
If we are speaking of a married person and the partner in cybersex is not their life partner, than we also enter into issues of infidelity. This is clearly prohibited in the Jewish tradition. In a similar question on this website, my good friend Rabbi David Schuck set up a good standard to measure by. Rabbi Schuck suggests you ask yourself “Would I tell my partner?” If the answer is no, you can be pretty sure you are on the wrong path.
If we are dealing with partners in a committed relationship who are engaging in cybersex consensually, I suppose it could be permissible. The one word of caution I would insert, is that while technology has the power to increase intimacy, such as in cases of extended separation as in military or business travel situations, it also has the power to diminish intimacy with those closest to us. How many of us have received e-mails from someone who could have easily walked across the hall to tell us the same thing? If you start to find that your online love life with your partner is more satisfying than your real one, there are likely serious issues to address.
Finally, when I was a Hillel rabbi, I always told students that even if they were to ignore every single Jewish teaching I shared with them about sex, there was one thing that is non-negotiable and that is safety. With that in mind, even though I would discourage cybersex for all of the reasons above, I feel compelled to say that if engaging in cybersex would keep you from far riskier or life threatening sexual behavior in the real world, then do what you need to do. Even though it is problematic from a religious perspective it is preferable to contracting a life threatening disease, or being the subject of violence. I pray though, that you will seek help and safer places to meet your needs.
As for pornography, it seems to be worthy of its own question. I would only say that it seems to me, in most if not all cases, to be exploitive and fails both the standards of Tsniut and Betzelm Elohim.
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Question: Can you give me some pointers for "Jewishly guiding" my kids through the morass of pop culture - reality TV, snarky videos - that seems to delight in embarassing people? I don't want to sound like "a mom"....but if I could sound like a spiritual leader, it might go over better....
I am happy to share some thoughts about your question. Let me start though, by saying, it is ok to “sound like a mom.” I can tell you that this and many other rabbis are who they are because they listened to their mom’s even when they didn’t like what they were saying.
That being said, there are a few good issues to address here. The first is the Jewish tradition’s thoughts on the content, which is embarrassing others. The second is whether or not there are victims in these videos. A third is the Jewish tradition on peer pressure which I think factors in significantly here.
The Rabbis of the Talmud make very strong statements about the seriousness of embarrassing another person. Consider the following:
“Rabbi Nachman the son of Rabbi Yitzchak said, that one who embarrasses another in public, it is as if he spilled his blood (i.e. killed him)” –Bava Metzia 58b
“Rava taught…One who shames his fellow in public has no place in the world to come.” Bava Metzia 59a
Obviously, these are some very strong statements, and perhaps are a bit extreme in our culture, but they do make a point. Embarrassing someone is not something to be taken lightly. Consider asking your kids to think about a time they felt embarrassed. How did it feel? How did they feel about the people who embarrassed them? Are they looking forward to the next time? I am sure you will hear that it was a lousy experience, one they are not looking forward to reliving. If that is the case, why buy into a culture that thrives on evoking that same terrible feeling from others.
This brings us to the next point. Your kids will likely tell you, “come on it is harmless,” or the classic “everyone is watching these.” This is where we need to look at whether or not, these videos are victimless and what Judaism has to say about peer pressure.
In The Peep Diaries, Hal Niedzviecki, takes a close look at the toll of our internet culture. In a sad chapter he tells the story of a young man who videotaped himself in the high school a/v lab playing Star Wars, and wound up having the video stolen and posted to YouTube. He was so humiliated that he had to leave school and be treated for the depression that he suffered from his embarrassment. These videos and shows do have victims. Even if we didn’t post them, we add to their suffering by watching them and laughing at their pain.
As for peer pressure, we find in the Mishnah in Pirkei Avot or The Teachings of Our Fathers an important teaching about peer pressure. We find in chapter 2 mishnah 6 that Hillel taught; “In a place with no worthy people, strive to be a worthy person.” I have always taken this to mean that we cannot let ourselves off the hook because everyone around us was making bad choices; we need to strive to live up to our own standards regardless of our surroundings. It could be a great conversation to have with your kids. What are the standards they would set for themselves? How would they know when they are living up to them?
I realize it is never easy to get kids to swim upstream against pop culture, but a thoughtful family conversation could be a great place to start.
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